A PAPER PRESENTED BY HON EZEAKUKWU EMMANUEL NSOEDO (PhD) TO THE OLD BOYS OF OKONGWU MEMORIAL SECONDARY SCHOOL, CLASS OF 1984
A friendship between two people or a group of people is something as precious as a gem. A good friendship between people tends to be incorporated in the lives of those they share the relationship, and it enhances every other aspect of their lives.
It is pertinent to note that friendship between people should not be viewed lightly between those involved in the relationship. Otherwise, someone is likely to feel betrayed or hurt when the trust is breached. When the relationship is mutual, friendship brings a lot of benefits that enhance the quality of life.
In relating deeply to the theme of this presentation, it is important to appreciate the full meaning of a friend within the context of the theme. Oxford Learner’s dictionaries define a friend as “a person you know well and like, and who is not usually a member of your family.”
The theme of this paper connotes more with what is usually characterized as group friendship. The Old Boys or alumni relationship within the context of this paper falls into the category of group friendship. A group of friends “can be called a band, a gang, team, family, community, crew, order, circle, brother/sisterhood, clique, league, party, posse, crowd or tribe” (Quora, 2019).
A person can choose who becomes their friend. In this type of scenario, some of us are better than others at making friends. But what the class or a group of friends does is create a leveller for all within the group. In order words, the people in this group benefit equally from the relationship, whether it is time for joyful celebration or sadness.
What the above relationship creates for the members is far more beneficial than the side effects. It automatically becomes an outreach for any panacea of issue that may crop up in each member’s life. Whether it has to do with employment, emotional support, sickness, family to family relationships above all, it offers each member the confidence that his brother got his back in times of need. So, in a nutshell, it is about building trust in a relationship.
Britannica defines friendship as “a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. In all cultures, friendships are important relationships throughout a person’s life span.”
Having established how a group of friends could be distinguished from a two-person relationship, it is safe to classify the camaraderie shared by the Okongwu Memorial Secondary School class of 1984 as a unique friendship.
The friendship between the class of 1984 meets all characteristics that mark the essence of friendship. They are all enumerated in the Britannica:
1. It is a dyadic relationship, meaning that it involves a series of interactions between two individuals known to each other.
2. It is recognized by both members of the relationship and is characterized by a bond or tie of reciprocated affection.
3. It is not obligatory; two individuals choose to form a friendship with each other. In Western societies, friendships are one of the least prescribed close relationships, with no formal duties or legal obligations to one another.
4. It is typically egalitarian in nature. Unlike parent-child relationships, for instance, each individual in a friendship has about the same amount of power or authority in the relationship.
5. It is almost always characterized by companionship and shared activities. In fact, one of the primary goals and motivations of friendship is companionship. In addition, adolescent and adult friendships often perform other functions, such as serving as sources of emotional support and providing opportunities for self-disclosure and intimacy.
The relationship between the group shields some members of the Old Boys who may not possess the requisite skills to enjoy the type of relationship which the group’s relationship affords them or the individuals due to their poor social skills.
The group’s relationship compensates for the ugly episodes that certain individuals in the group may have suffered in the hands of their peers during those formative years when they were in school. Rather than the ugly experience becoming a long-lasting issue, the group friendship makes light of those experiences and reduce them to hilarious moments when they bring such things up.
According to Britannica, “across individuals of all ages, friendships form, evolve, and sometimes dissolve over time.” “The length and duration of the various phases of a friendship vary across individuals and circumstances” (Britannica, 2021). The type of friendship we are discussing is more sustainable when compared to the phases of natural order of most friendships.
Hence, the fraternal relationships the class of 1984 enjoys have a lot of advantages that benefit every member of the class. Some of these advantages are: being a family unit, sense of belonging, health benefits which include reduction of stress, a support network which helps reduce depression, grief, marital issues, etc., share responsibilities among themselves, collaborate on a project(business or nonprofit), and enjoy a distinctiveness among the global alumni association.
The class of 1984 would have formed a unique family dynamism as a family. When the group meets, each person’s characteristic is diffused into a family unit that governs the behavior and agenda of all activities the group enjoys. The individual approach to the issues will no longer suffice regardless of how smart or brilliant the idea maybe, if the group did not approve of it. Therefore, the family aspect tends to be a leveller among the constituent members of this group.
The class of 1984 relationships derives a sense of belonging that is egalitarian based on the special family relationship that exists among them. There is a sense of belonging among the Old Boys, which counts on the fact that responsibilities are shared equally, whether in terms of contributions or benefits.
The camaraderie among the class association engenders health benefits. There are many health benefits that each individual member enjoys from the group relationship that exists among the group. Chief among these benefits is reducing stress when the class is interacting as a group, or even when the communication has become a two-way relationship.
When the members schedule to meet, there is a natural euphoria in anticipation of the good time that the members will enjoy. This will naturally take precedent over adverse effects of stress. Socialization also directly impacts our stress levels in multiple ways. According to a study published in Mentalhelp.Net (2021), “socialization increases a hormone that decreases anxiety levels and make us feel more confident in our ability to cope with stressors. In addition, spending time with others directs our energy outward (rather than inward).”
The Old Boys Association acts as a support network for all happenstances. The Old Boys relationship goes beyond mere opportunities to make merry and gallivant; it is a bulwark that ensures that many members surmount difficult periods, that perhaps would have spelled doom for them.
Studies have shown that depression leads to an extreme reaction from the victim. It is a most severe sickness when the sufferer is isolated from the rest of the community. Depression sometimes leads to one committing suicide.
It is true that depression can result from social, psychological, and biological exigencies, however, people who have gone through adverse conditions such as bereavement, unemployment, and other traumatic events are more likely to lapse into depression (World Health Organization, 2021). The essence of what a group relationship can do for a person who is depressed is immeasurable.
While it is crucial to understand that those who are clinically depressed cannot offset professional therapy for a personal relationship, friendship was found to be efficacious in dealing positively with depression. The benefits of friendship for people that are depressed are astounding”. Relationships, although not a substitute for professional therapy, can help people dealing with depression with their healing. Dr. Leaf says, “A strong friendship can help heal someone’s thinking habits and improve how the brain functions, helping them gain clarity into their situation, building up mental resilience and encouraging them to face and overcome what is causing them distress.”
For the most part, it is valid that depression is not overtly addressed in Nigeria as it is done in the USA and Europe. Without a doubt, they can no longer hide the disease. There have been instances where people had jumped off the bridges to kill themselves.
When one in a group that enjoys deep friendship as the Old Boys Association does loses someone to death, the sheer number of the group will mourn with the bereaved. The bereaved person’s appreciation for being in a group such as the class of 1984 will be much-touted.
The same network of support system will come to play if any member should experience some marriage failures, which is highly prevalent in Nigerian society lately. It does not matter what issues are at stake; any member within the group is more likely to share the situation.
The same way the Old Boys come together to share good times is the manner the members come together to share responsibilities. When members make it a point to come down to share fellowship, it is equally assumed that members towards the get-together made some commitments. This process is expected, though, in such a relationship, there may be those who will make willful donations from time to time.
In a group such as the class of 1984 of Okongwu Memorial Secondary school, there are bound to be opportunities to collaborate on various projects.
The proposed projects could be in the form of profit-oriented businesses or Non-Governmental Organizations. It is easier for such ventures to be packaged where members share common interests because trust is one of the characteristics of friendship established in the group.
Another pertinent and cherished aspect of maintaining an association such as the class of 1984 is the group members’ distinctiveness. The distinctiveness even among the school’s alumni association sets the class of 1984 apart from the rest.
As with anything good, there is always a potential to have some side effects with respect to this type of group friendship. In a group relationship such as the former classmates of 1984, it is not out of place that some class members may not be pulling their weight as expected.
There may not be an opportunity for all to maintain equal participation in making decisions concerning the group. Some group members may be domineering when it comes to decision-making. Some members of the group may be domineering when it comes to decision making.
There is a potential that decision-making on a given agenda takes time because there is need to accommodate all shades of opinion before decisions are made. This may not be a bad idea, but the time spent on deliberations among members may cause some opportunities to fritter away.
The ability to have a distinctive voice is lost when participating in group friendships. An excellent case could be made for lack of individualism.
There is a tendency that the group may not be as creative as it would be if it is left to an individual or two people. Hence, creativity may not be the driving force.
It is true that there may be some disadvantages when it comes to the group friendship as the Old Boys of OMSS, class of 1984; however, the advantages enjoyed by the members outweigh considerably any inherent disadvantages that this paper may have distilled from the research.
It would appear that the camaraderie among former secondary schoolmates enhances a lasting quality of friendship that adds significant value to their quality of life.
References
Britannica (2021). Friendship – Socioemotional adjustment.Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/friendship/Socioemotional-adjustment.
MentalHelp Net (2021). Socialization and altruistic acts as stress relief. American
Addiction Centers, https://www.mentalhelp.net/stress/socialization-and- altruistic-acts-as-stress-relief/
Oxford Learner’s dictionaries defines friend (2021). Friend. http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/friend_1 Oxford University Press.